Katie Donahue isn’t sure who she is anymore. Her dream of being a mother is finally coming true, but not in the way she planned. Her husband, John, is deployed in Iraq; and she can’t imagine sharing her struggle with family and friends. For Katie, BUMP+ is an opportunity to feel connected to someone – anyone – instead of making the biggest decision of her life alone.
Do you know someone like Katie? Do you have any advice for her?
48 Responses to “Katie”
In 1973, the U.S. Supreme Court gave women a choice. Thirty-seven years later, we're giving them a voice. BUMP+ is a provocative web series from Yellow Line Studio that follows the fictional stories of three women facing unintended pregnancies.
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Katie, Hailey, and Denise have been through so much—so much heartbreak. Each journey has been difficult and painful. They’ve made their decisions; and in that sense, each journey is at an end. But now they have to figure out how to live with the choices they’ve made.
I worry for Katie and John. I [...]
To Our Audience -
Bump+ The Show has come to an end – but the conversation it has sparked is just beginning.
When we launched this experiment, the only thing we knew for sure was that the time for a new kind of conversation about the sensitive topic of abortion had come. We hoped that story [...]
The creators of Bump+ would like to address several errant media reports. Headlines around the world have said Bump+ trivializes the issue of abortion. Fox News has suggested that Bump+ is an “abortion game show.” It is not. We take the stories of our characters and the choices that lie ahead of [...]
Lauri responds to the question of creating television shows.
To Our Audience -
Bump+ The Show has come to an end – but the conversation it has sparked is just beginning.
As word about Bump+ spread to 64 countries across the globe, controversy and criticism from people on both sides of the debate followed; but instead of listening to them, you found the courage to listen to each other. Six weeks and more than 125,000 site visits later, your responses not only to our characters, but also to each other has proved to the world what we suspected all along – we were right to trust in the goodness and intelligence of our audience. We are intensely humbled by the stories you’ve shared and the respect you have shown to each other. Your partnership has challenged us to see this debate in new ways, and reminded the world that we don’t have to agree to listen and respond with compassion. Thank you for that gift.
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I am not going to be original this time, so all I am going to say that your blog rocks, sad that I don’t have suck a writing skills
First off, this isn’t a reality tv show. It’s scripted. And given the producers’ background, it is destined to end without abortions.
Secondly, “abortion complications.” Really? It’s a medically safe procedure that rarely has any complications. As for infertility, from the first vid that is not implied. And if you’re suggesting that it’s probably complication from abortion, then you’re a flat-out liar. Or exaggerator. I have no bones with your religious beliefs that abortion is wrong, but don’t try to make it “scary” for women by telling them they’ll have complications, can’t have sex, will never have kids. It’s completely untrue.
Here are some facts on abortion “complications.” About .3% of women have complications that require hospitalizations. Having had complications from simply taking medications that landed me in the hospital, I’m going to say that’s a pretty low number. One death per 1 million abortions at or before the 8-week mark. 1 in 29,000 at the 16-20 week period (didn’t find data for the 8-16 week period). The number of maternal deaths (as in, women who went along with nature) in the U.S. is around 7.7 per 100,000 births. Even an abortion in the 16-20 week period is only about 3-4 per 100,000 births. So yeah, I’d say abortion is pretty safe.
As for people who think an abortion caused their infertility…new studies show that fertility steeply declines by the age of 30. So…tough. The *only* “statistics” I found concerning infertility were 100% from pro-life websites and organizations who have good reason (and a nice sordid history – hello abortion-causes-breast-cancer) of faking statistics and medical information.
Out of all the things that might disgust me about abortion, faking statistics and scaring people takes the cake. It offends me on every level.
[COMMENT HAS BEEN EDITED]
In the episode the Dr. reassures Katie that there will be no effect on future fertility. And ANY medical procedure carries with it a risk of complications; it would have been medically irresponsible for him NOT to say that. He never said that complications were likely, simply that they were possible.
Also, the group that is working on this film project represent a mixture of pro-choice and pro-life positions – they are NOT all pro-life.
Your ruffled feathers reminds me of all those people who were stridently protesting about the SuperBowl ad featuring Tebow and his mom – some people seem to think that ProChoice really means OneChoice.
Given that “abortion causes infertility” is what you hear from most pro-life organizations and many supporters, regardless of scientific truth, I’d say my “ruffled feathers” were earned. To top it off, I pointed out that the risk of complications is actually higher when giving birth than when having an abortion – yet no one suggesting Katie *not* abort (immense guilt! complications!) has pointed out that she’s way more likely to suffer complications and even death with giving birth than with having an abortion. That’s a pretty biased stance when it comes to **concern for Katie**. In other words, complications while giving birth = the baby makes it all better. Complications from an abortion = you shouldn’t have aborted.
Maybe the production team is a mixture of pro-life and pro-choice. But the only thing I’ve heard was that some of them are affiliated with a Catholic University. I’m also kind of brow-arching over the fact that they’re all white, young women. I understand not making it about race, but youth?
I have far fewer issues on pro-life stances, since I’m *personally* pro-life, than I do with stances that deliberately try to confuse the issue with myths, lies and made-up “evidence” about why abortion is bad. Why make things up when the reality is bad enough?
The national conversation should never have focused on abortion; it should’ve focused on creating situations where abortion was never needed in the first place. How much money is wasted on the fight to make abortion illegal? Pro-life organizations fund ads, rallies, lobbying groups, and so on. Pro-choice organizations fund ads, rallies, lobbying groups and so on. Would’ve all been better spent to reduce unintended pregnancies.
I was in a very similar situation as Katie, my husband forgave me for everything and accepted the child as his own. At first we talked a lot about adoption but after ultrasounds my husband said there was no way he could think about just giving away a baby like that and I felt the same way. Our baby is 4 months old now and he is a happy,healthy, beautiful little boy. My husband treats him just as he treated our other 2 children… he is very loving and a wonderful father to our son. My situation was different in the sense that I left my husband while he ws n Iraq for nother man and became pregnant by this man only to find out he was an awful person and I had made a HUGE mistake, my husband knew i ws pregnant by this other man and still agreed to take me back and forgive me. The “sperm donor” as I call him, has nothing to do with my son. He was a very abusive alcoholic, and just a bad person all the way round, my son and I are very lucky to have my husband in our lives and I am so thankful that he is such a wonderfula man to have forgiven me for everything and accepted my child the way he did. So for me, I can see that there is a possibility for Katie to have this child and still be with her husband and be happy with him and have a good life with the child, but that all really depends on her husband.
Dear Ash, thank you for having the courage to share your story. In the context of this web series, I am hoping Katie’s husband can forgive her.
The fact that you have been able to admit to your mistake, accept forgiveness and move on is healthy. I believe Katie needs some counseling. She seems overwhelmed by her mistake and is not in a state of mind to make any decision. The doctor should have referred her to a good therapist from the beginning to help her sort this out.
I think one of the big problems with the arguments that abortion is or could be a favorable “choice” is that the basis of such is the POSSIBILITY that the child will negatively impact its mother’s life.
None of us can predict the future. There are many examples even of women who have been diagnosed with pregnancy complications sure to harm the mother or destroy the child’s chance at a normal healthy life that have turned out to be a false alarm.
Even if the mother’s life or happiness was more valuable than her child’s (it’s not. we all have equal human dignity), how can one justify taking another’s life on the basis of a possibility?? In no situation is pending misery guaranteed. In the same way, neither is happiness. That is what we call life. We can never see what is coming around the next turn.
Everyone encounters suffering in their life in some ways. Some burdens are small. Some are horrendous, but struggle is not necessarily a bad thing. Mentally healthy people who are down on their luck don’t chose to end their lives because they encounter difficulty (only those in deep need of psychological and emotional help and support take their own lives). Even in awful circumstances, life is worth living. That is truly the choice we cannot make for any other person (even if they happen to be developing inside us).
Surely those who do not want to be told HOW to live don’t think it’s ok for anyone else to decide IF they may live.
In this case, even those who think Katie’s life and marriage might be better if she aborts admit that if she does not and she is open with her husband everything might still turn out ok if he is accepting and forgiving.
Why not give hope a chance?
The Lord says “Let the little children come to me”
At the moment of conception you are a living loved human of God.
No child, no matter what the circumstance, is a mistake.
Every person reflects the image and likeness of God and means the world to our Father.
A child is a blessing beyond understanding, not a curse, and should be nourished with love and care.
I know that I’m just reiterating what has already been mentioned, but they are never to be forgotten. I will keep all of you in my prayers <3
God Bless <3
Katie, It will not be ‘all over with’ by terminating. I had a friend who terminated in 1975, and she still has to deal with ‘issues’ surrounding her abortion, and many of them are subconscious. As I read about abortion recovery, I see my dear friend all over the symptoms.
Another friend was unfaithful to her husband while he was in Iraq. When he came back and found out about her pregnancy, he was angry at first. She cut off all ties because of his anger. Soon, however, he relented and wanted them to carry on with their marriage. He also wanted to accept and raise the baby as his own. But she would have none of it. Her son is now 3 years old and the delight of her life – and that of her family. She has bounced through a couple of other ‘relationships’ during that time. I always thought it tragic that she would not allow her husband to support her once his anger cooled.
Since this is a ‘reality show’ (and on the internet) I wonder if it is possible that John saw the show and might be coming back to deal with the situation. Perhaps she should, in fact, wait until John comes home to let him have input into their decision. It is, after all, their decision because either solution will affect their marriage for a long time to come.
Only God can create life. HE does not create willy-nilly. HE has a plan and a purpose for every life HE creates. Even though she ‘made a mistake’ and committed a grievous sin, perhaps God has answered their prayers for a child after all. If her DH has issues which make it difficult for them to conceive together, she might do well to accept God’s gift.
Obviously, Katie regrets her ‘mistake’ and can receive God’s forgiveness. Please, Katie, do not add yet another sin to weigh down your conscience. My heart cries for you and your dilemma. If you were my friend, I wish you would talk to me about it. I would gladly hold you as you cried and listen as you hashed over and over on the concepts. I would go to the airport with you, if you wanted me to. I would pray my little heart out for you, for John, and your baby, not to mention the father of the baby (he is just as much at fault for ‘making this mistake’ as you are).
My name is Nicole I am 23 years old and I regret my abortion.
At the time of my abortion I was 22. I was in a verbally abusive and what soon turned into a physically abusive relationship with my then boyfriend. I had gotten pregnant. I was scared and I didn’t know where to go or what to do. Like you, I too thought I was alone.
My boyfriend suggested I get an abortion because he wasn’t ready. I love kids and have always dreamed of having them. How could I raise a child on my own? There should be two parents. I cried alone that night in my bed, too afraid to tell my parents, my family, not even my best friend. I was ashamed that I had gotten pregnant outside of marriage and felt that I would be an embarrassment to my family. I called the clinic (Planned Parenthood) and made all the arrangements. I thought this was the easy way out. After all, who would find out? I took the RU-486 pill. I was unaware at the time that I was blessed and protected by God because I later learned of all the complications and deaths from the pill…
It was a beautiful sunny day, not a cloud in the sky as I drove myself and my boyfriend to the clinic in May of 2008; a day I will never forget. Two DAYS BEFORE MOTHER’S DAY, I took that the first pill and one day before, I had aborted my child. I started cramping and I ran to the toilet. All I remember is holding the tissue paper drenched with blood dripping all over my hands and looking at the tissue paper at what appeared to be a “BLOB” as the PLANNED PARENTHOOD employees so nicely put it. That “BLOB” turned out to be my baby. I took the tissue paper with the eight-week-old fetus and threw it in the toilet and flushed it. It wasn’t until a couple days later that I realized what I had done. I had just held my eight-week-old baby and then flushed it down the toilet like a dead goldfish.
I became numb, distant, depressed. I had recently started a new job and had no friends for the first 8-10 months of working there. I pushed everyone away. I thought I was alone. I didn’t know where to turn.
You see, Planned Parenthood made me feel like what I was going through was “not normal. “ They said it was a blob and that it was not anything, that I was “DOING THE RIGHT THING.” But it was something, it was not an it, it was my baby who was developed, who had hands, feet, and a heartbeat.
My depression got so bad I wanted to die. I believed all the lies I was fed. I ignored God. Keeping silent almost killed me. I had came up with a plan to end my life. I was so scared I’d kill myself. I felt I became a danger to myself and others because at any moment I knew I could snap. I wanted to stop the pain. I wanted to stop the suffering the self torment the hatred I had for myself. “How could I kill my child? I was a murderer. God will never forgive you. Your family will hate you.” The words seemed to be whispered in my ears over and over like a broken record. The images flashed before me like a never-ending horror movie. I felt like Bill Murray in “Groundhog Day.” I seemed to relive that day over and over again. I didn’t’ know how else to end it all but to die. I blamed God. I hated God. I asked HIM everyday… “WHY DIDNT YOU STOP ME? WHY DIDNT YOU GIVE ME A WAY OUT? WHY DID YOU LET THIS HAPPEN?”…HE replied “I DID TRY BUT YOU CHOSE TO IGNORE ME.”
You see, three years prior God knew what was going to happen. One day at work, I saw a flyer for a Christian Pregnancy Crisis Help Center; at the time I didn’t know why but I picked it up and brought it home and hung it on the fridge. Little did I know what the flyer truly meant to me and my life. Before I had the abortion, I saw the flyer on the fridge and God was right–HE gave me a way out and I IGNORED HIM! I looked at the flyer, there on the fridge, the day I found out I was pregnant. Instead of calling them I made my call to Planned Parenthood.
A couple months later, I remember grabbing the flyer off the fridge, yelling at God and getting into my car. I was headed to work but didn’t plan on making it that far. I started to cry uncontrollably. I wanted to die I thought today is the day to end the pain. But God had other plans for my life… Something made me pull over–that something was GOD. I started crying out to God for forgiveness for mercy for help I looked over and the flyer was on the passenger seat. I picked it up and called the number. To my surprise they offered after-abortion counseling. That call saved my life. God never left my side; He was there with me watching over me protecting me. I owe Him my life. I started the counseling and went through a couple-month program. I received Healing and learned God loves me and has a purpose for my life as HE does for yours….I have never been happier now that I have God. It’s a satisfaction, a fulfillment that can only be done though HIM. I am truly blessed and can now continue on with my life.
You see. You’re not alone. Don’t believe the lies the media and the clinics try to portray. It is NORMAL to feel the way you do. Abortion is a trauma, it is a death. It is normal to go through the stages of grief. Just remember you are not alone and you can be forgiven. There is hope. Our God is a merciful God. Slow to anger, He loves each and everyone of us and wants you to turn to HIM. He can help you.
GOD CAN END THE SUFFERING. HE CAN TAKE AWAY THE PAIN.
“Know therefore that the LORD your God is God; he is the faithful God, keeping his covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love him and keep his commands. – (Deuteronomy 7:9)
The Bible says, “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” (1 John 1:9)
“Repent therefore and be converted, that your sins may be blotted out, so that times of refreshing may come from the presence of the Lord.” (Acts 3:19)
I went to the Planned Parenthood site to see what they had to say about post abortion regret and grief. Their site claims that the incidence of regret post abortion is the same for post birth. They say that there are only two reasons people have emotional difficulties from abortion 1.) the woman was emotionally disturbed to begin with and 2.) the baby was wanted or planned and had to be aborted for health reasons.
What I learned from that is: Don’t go to Planned Parenthood for post abortion counseling, because they will just tell you that you are an emotionally disturbed person. Maybe that’s why women don’t confide in them, ya think?
Ir doesn’t say tha those are the only reasons, it says that those are the most common/usual reasons. I volunteered for PPHP, and I never had the impression that the workers seemed to think that none of the women would have anxiety or regret for whatever unique reason they might have. Although this is a sad thing, I generally find that it is women that need to communicate that they are having a problem or conflicting with themselves over abortion, and that the doctor can’t know unless she says something. Once, this latino girl said that her mother hit her really bad for getting pregnant, and that she owed it to her mom to have the abortion. Although I doubt the mother wanted her to get an abortion, this is the messed up situation she was in and the things she felt because of it. On of the nurses at the clinic told her, right in front of me, that she should reconsider getting the abortion and that she should wait until she is sure, the nurse then gave her the phone number to a social worker that also worked in therapy, and to a pre-natal care doctor that the nurse personally had good results with during HER pregnancy.
Another reason that the planned parenthood website states is that it is common for women to have an inner conflict over what they believe about abortion before getting one, and that this sometimes leads to regret. I have never known them to be liars, so let us not go throwing accusations and falsehoods, please.
*Passionate about abortion, due to the health-state of my little sister, for a long time* <3
This new episode had me hooked. I want to know what is so urgent and why she doesn’t think she might not be able to stay on the show! Maybe she miscarried? Husband is coming home? If I were her, I would be honest with my husband. It is not the easiest situation, but I still think she should give him the benefit of the doubt. She obviously loves him and it sounds like he really loves her. I’m also thinking she is struggling for religious reasons–did anyone else notice the St. Mary pendent around her neck last episode? I hope she is able to make a choice that won’t send her in a spiral to worse depression. Keep your head up love!
Oh wow! I didn’t notice the pendant!
Although I find that there are many christians I know that do not regret their abortions, I must say that this does sway my opinion a bit.
I hope that she doesn’t make any decisions that she might regret!
Thanks for the heads up!!!
My head is reeling with all sorts of things to say about this situation. Its COMPLICATED…imagine that. I know a thing or two about complicated myself, but ulitmately I believe its figuring out what makes YOU the happiest.
Does that sound selfish? Well…it is. But you’re the one that has to live with yourself the rest of your life. Of course, we don’t know what our actions will necessarily yeild in the future…but I think we know ourselves well enough to figure out how we will react to a situation. It might help to make a “flow chart” to see how your decisions might affect your future.
For Example:
abortion – guilt – depression – loss of friends – loss of family
baby – husband leaves – depression – loss of friends – loss of family
baby – husband stay – family – yay!
abortion – husband stay – family later – yay!
abortion – husband stay – not happy (cheating again?)- husband leaves
Of course, you’re the only one that can make these “flow charts”, but it might help you sort through some instances that could potentially happen based on what you know about yourself and your relationships.
Flow Charts XD
Maybe we should work on a dichotamus key for all of the women? lol
That actually sounds like a good idea.
Those are pretty much all of the possible scenerios I thought up too.
I think she has a higher probability of getting out of this one happier if she has the abortion now and tries to have kids with her husband later.
[COMMENT EDITED]
In all seriousness, I don’t know 100% what would be best for Katie. Although I hope we can see different paths taken play out, and although I realise these are just actors, I really love these characters because I can so deeply relate with them, and I have a hard time saying that I want to make the decision for them. I guesse it’s a mix of me trying to speculate what would be best for them and what I would do in their given circumstances, based on my experienes. I guesse that’s what we are all doing to some degree… and it feels wierd.
Well… I mean, there were some people in the comment boxes that wanted to vote on it, but for the most part, I think it is a little uncomfortable for most of us to imagine making this decision for another person
Having an abortion will not change anything. You need to own up to your cheating and allow your husband to be part of the decision.
I am a military wife, first let’s start by saying wtf???? Don’t cheat. It’s never okay there’s never an excuse, you can make it through deployment. End of file. Next let’s also say that honesty is ALWAYS the best policy. YOu can screw yourself more by lying about it to him, you could tell him and he would be smart to leave you (but you brought that on all by yourself), or you could tell him and pray to God that he is understanding and would support an adoption. But don’t kid yourself enough to think that its common for a man to not only forgive infidelity, but also raise the spawn of that. It’s not, and he probably won’t. You made you bed on this one, now lie in it. Personally I don’t htink you should have this child, I don’t think you are ready for the responsibility, you haven’t even learned how to be true to soemone or obviously yourself. I think you should be honest with him about the infidelity and face those consequences.
Gean, What if she was not unfaithful? What if she became pregnant against her will? I am concerned for the amount of distress she expresses. And still, her question haunts me: “What would be a good reason to have an abortion?” Some of the main arguments for keeping abortion legal are ‘In the case of….’
If it was against her will, she needs to report the perp and have him brought to justice. Surely her husband would stand by her in this case. I think she is so conflicted because it was not against her will. She fooled around and got pregnant. Now she has to face the music. What she needs to realize, though, is that an abortion will only compound her problem. Now, in addition to being an adulterer she will also be taking her child’s life. She is already distressed and confused and ashamed. An abortion would only serve to amplify all these emotions and make her into an emotional mess which her husband will have to deal with. She needs to find out first if the biological dad wants the baby. Or she could divorce her husband and marry the biological dad and raise their child together – give her husband a chance to start over. There are so many options that don’t include abortion. It will be interesting to see how the producers procede. I’m just wondering if the producers care about the child as much as they care about the mom?
Katie needs to talk to her husband. Should she decide to have this baby he will be the father (even if not biologically) so he should have a say. Also having an abortion to cover up cheating would be a wrong choice, only because it will lead to more anger and resentment when the cheating is discovered. Your husband should be your best friend, someone who you can talk to about anything. Next time she is able to talk to her husband, she should confess the cheating, and then talk about the pregnancy. It will be a mess, but if you don’t have honesty in a relationship, you don’t have much of a relationshop anyway. Maybe they’ll decide together that they want to raise this baby, maybe they’ll decide it will be too painful to be reminded of the infidelity. Either way, she needs to talk to her hubby.
keep it!! she’d be happier. i think so, at least.
if she aborts it, she’ll just get less and less happy.
Katie’s question: “What do you think might be a good reason to have an abortion?” haunts me. I wonder if we are really talking about infidelity here? We may actually be causing her more pain by accusing her.
I think abortion is never the way to go, whether you’ve been raped, a victim of incest or anything else. I’m 19yrs old, and I have a daughter that turns 1 on the 19th. Abortion never crossed my mind. My husband (Boyfriend at the time) was very excited.
When we started dating, we were talking about the fact that I was afraid I might have gotten pregnant from my abusive ex boyfriend, Tim. My husband told me that even if the child was Tim’s, he would raise it and love it as it were his own. But I was fortunate that I was not pregnant at that time.
I will admit I was scared when I found out I was pregnant. Because I was so young and hanging out with young teenagers, (I was 17 when I found out I was pregnant.) I have alot of medical problems, I have a hard time waking up because of it. But my husband and I have worked through it so far. I am a full time mommy and he works and supports us.
During my pregnancy I didn’t have to worry too much about the thinngs I did, I ate right, I had never taken a drink of alcohol or done drugs my entire life. So it went pretty smooth.
we are currently trying for our next child (hoping for a boy!)
I guess what I’m trying to say, is even if you are faced with a decision that deals with your outward personal life, don’t include the life of your child. You made the mistake of sleeping with another man, there for you should deal with the pain and love of what will come out of it.
This child is your flesh and blood, Why kill it? It’s just another statistic and regret you will have. and I do not wish that extra heartache on you.
Just remember, God loves you and he’s always there to listen. He cares, even if no one else does.
Sandra~
Until you’ve been raped or raped by a family member, to say that it is wrong to abort even if those things have happened is very narrow minded. I myself was in that situation when I was 9 (i got my period when I was 8, so yes, it did happen)…are you saying I should have had that child? Even at that time, I had no idea what was happening to me other than what I was being put through by the family member who did that to me, over many years, might I add. Try walking in my 9 yr old shoes and then try not to think of how that would have effected you on top of what you would have been going through! My mother, who was more mortified that someone would know that she had to take me in for an abortion than what was happening to me, never talked to me about what was going on in my body. But what matters to me is that even if that had happened just a few years later, knowing what I know now, I would have opted for it. My childhood was damaged enough without bringing a child (if it would have been possible for me to even carry said baby at that age) into it. I am solidly pro-choice, but everyone has their own mind and heart to put in the mix on their own personal choice. For people to just throw out judgements such as yours without the experience of those painful things is narrow minded and naive. Think before you speak, because you never know what someone has been through in their lifetime. Because of those things that happened to me I had to struggle to have the beautiful children I have now, but if I was raped again and came up pregnant, I would choose to have one, or not, and give it up for adoption. As the law says, it is MY choice.
Dear MademyChoice,
Thank you for sharing your story. I worked for many years with young girls (12 & under) who had been sexually abused. I especially appreciate your line, “Think before you speak, because you never know what someone has been through in their lifetime.” Sexual abuse of children and incest are problems that do not get enough attention in our culture. The damage this does to a child is far beyond what most people can imagine.
I am sad that this happened to you, and that your mother did not know how to protect you from the abuse, and that it went on for so long. I am glad to know you have a beautiful family now.
Your story highlights huge problems in our culture: the problem of sexual abuse and the problem of rape. These are two very big problems that lead to abortions. It is so important that stories like yours be heard.
Sister Agnus, I think I could jump through our computer screens and hug you just about now. You remind me of my parents’ priest in the catholic chruch (christ our light) in upstate NY. He was very objective and compassionate, and although I do not believe in the same God as you, the light of SOMETHING was simply pouring right out of his heart and came out through his eyes. He always had such wonderful things to say, and was always very considerate and open-minded about other people’s decisions. I wish I knew even more christians like you in my lifetime, who have such an open mind and such an open heart. He used to say that they life of any person fully equates the life of another person, and no matter what decisions one life makes, God’s grace can not be stolen from anybody, not a fetus and certainly not the mother.
I just watched both episodes and will continue to follow the series. I had an abortion 13 years ago and I regretted it soon afterwards. My reasoning at the time was that the baby would be born around the time of my final exams in the first 1/2 of my senior year in college. I thought I would end up dropping out and never completing my degree. I didn’t tell my parents about my pregnancy and 2 seconds after I took a pregnancy test, I pulled out the yellow pages to look up abortion clinics in the area. I found one and called it first thing the next day. I scheduled it right on the phone, no questions asked, for the following week.
I remember the whole experience at the abortion clinic as if it happened yesterday. It is a scar on my mind. Laying on the stirrup table, I remember a nurse trying to find a vein on my arm and suggesting that I had “tough veins” and that they often saw this in intraveinous drug users. I couldn’t believe that she was judging me as a drug addict (I’ve never used an illicit drug in my life). Then the doctor came in. No ultrasound was done to determine how far along my pregnancy was, but he checked me with his hand and said, in a not very sure way, that he thought was was at 8 or 9 weeks. The abortion itself was extremely painful. I was screaming at the top of my lungs and yelling for him to stop and he just kept saying, “I’m almost done.” My boyfriend (now husband) was in the waiting room, and, later when I told him that I had been screaming, he said he could hear me in the waiting room but wasn’t sure if it was me and thought maybe he should bust in and see what was going on.
After it was finished, I was sent to a recovery room to sit for about an hour. Along side me were 2 other girls, both younger than I was (I was 22 at the time). One was a teenager and very non-chalant about how this had been her 3rd abortion. This was her form of birth control. I couldn’t understand how someone would want to endure all that pain more than once. Surely, I thought, child birth couldn’t hurt much worse than the abortion did (and I was right). That night I went out to a mexican restaurant for dinner, almost as a sort of celebration. I had taken care of my problem and I could now move on in life as if nothing had happened.
A year and one month later, I married the baby’s father, and I’m still married to him. 6 months after we were married, and around the time that I knew my baby would have turned 1 yr old, it hit me. What had I done!? I had actually killed my own baby. That’s what hit me square in the face. I was filled with the guilt of what I had done and I became depressed. I suffered for years with depression and thoughts of suicide.
It sickens me that no one at that clinic told me about the development of the baby. No one offered an alternative. It sickens me that friends that I had that were Christians (I grew up without any religion of any kind) made no effort to tell me that I shouldn’t go through with the abortion. No one tried to convince me not to do it. Everyone had the attitude that it was “my choice.” I WISH someone would have questioned my decision. Maybe it wouldn’t have prevented the abortion, but I can’t say that it wouldn’t have. I WISH someone had shown me what an 8 week old baby looks like in the womb, rather than sucking it out of me 5 minutes after telling me how old it was.
Anyway, that’s my story. I no longer live with the guilt or depression. By His blood, my stains have been washed clean and for that I am truly thankful.
Painful? I’ve been to abortion clinics and never heard screaming. One time this one young girl was bleeding quite a bit from a late term abortion and was given an ambulance ride to the hospital (which protesters outside took WAY out of proportion) but she turned out fine within a few hours, came back to the clinic to get the shot to make sure that she could get pregnant again without any problems for a planned pregancy if she so chooses…
The same girl was back again about…. oh, was it four months?… I think it was about four months later, give or take a few weeks, and she had another earlier abortion (the one with the “vacuum” this time) and she turned out perfectly fine.
Like I’ve said, I’ve never heard screaming. Are you sure they were doing it right? Did you go to a place that was qualified and such?
Not all clinics do an ultrasound, but the one I volunteered at asked women to state the last time they had their period, they put a stethascope to the abdomine to check for heart tones and felt around, and analyzed the size to determine how far along they were. Plus, it doesn’t take 5min. They are usually required to make suer that you are informed head of time what is going to happen during the procedure so that you don’t freak out and cause yourself to get injured by moving around or something.
Again, are you sure this was a legal clinic? How long ago did you get the abortion?
Only honesty will get her out of this one. There will be tremendous pain but if you “dodge the bullet” at this time then the secret that is hidden will continue eating away at her all of her life. Not only the pregnancy but also the unfaithfulness in the marriage. I witnessed this a lot while I was overseas with the husband side of things. The unfaithful spouse would hold it inside and unintentionally/intentionally cause their stateside spouse to “make them angry.” This was to give them an excuse to get out of their marriage for infidelity with a clean conscience. Just tell the truth and don’t attempt to pave over it with “good intentions.” This is the best way. This will never be resolved with deception.
I wanted to tell you, I terminated. I terminated because I was not wanting to deal with a baby at the time. We were having marital issues. We already had children. Money was tight.
I had a baby a few months ago. Every time I look in his face, all I can think about is the baby whose life I ended. He should have been here too. I realize now that I loved him too. I wish I could go back in time and redo that. He should have been 3.5 years old now. I never thought I would regret it. I thought I made a wonderful decision. Now, I don’t.
Katie…you seem too full of love and emotion to be able to do this and walk away and feel okay years from now. You seem too much like me. Please think carefully before you make this decision.
Adoption is an option, but knowing his wife cheated and had a child fathered by her lover could still destroy her marriage. So, to my mind, it’s still risking her marriage if she goes ahead with the pregnancy.
I don’t particularly like the argument that she should have a child just to give other people a baby. Aside from the older children needing families, that’s easy to turn around into, ‘You’ve had an abortion, thereby depriving a couple of having their own child.’ Aside from herself and her husband, no one else’s needs or desires should come into the equation.
In her situation, I don’t know what I’d choose. The physical invasiveness of abortion horrifies me. (I am completely baffled by Hailey.)
I agree that the stance “you should have a child just to give other people a baby” is faulty. That’s not what I meant to say, but I can see how the logic gets you there. I’m just saying that I think adoption would be a good way to turn a seemingly hopeless situation into something positive.
What about the baby’s need to be carried to term and delivered?
This is a really tough situation and I truly can’t imagine how I’d feel under the same circumstances, but I do know that Katie has a chance here to do a beautiful thing: give a new baby life and a future.
Adoption – go for it. Everyone involved will thank you for it.
I admire Katie because she wants to be a good wife. She also is very serious and thoughtful about this decision. She is right, this is an important and life changing decision and one which should be taken seriously. I feel sad that she does not feel she can share her situation and dilemma with anyone close to her. I wish that I could be Katie’s friend and talk to her, share with her, and pray with her. I do think an important part of her decision should be to gather all the facts. Part of this process would be to have an ultra-sound and ask the doctor about the long-term affects of abortions (both physical and emotional). Remember Katie, with God all things are possible. God is your closest, dearest, and wisest friend. Seek his council.
Going on the assumption that the pregnancy is the result of an affair:
I used to think absolute honesty was necessary for a relationship to function with any degree of positivity. But I’ve realized as I get older that we all make mistakes, and forgiveness isn’t easily had. Sometimes a lie of omission can preserve a valued relationship.
If Katie loves her husband, and simply made a huge mistake, then maybe abortion is an option. It’s not an easy choice, and no one will say it’s a moral decision, but the world doesn’t conform to black and white standards. She’ll likely have other children. Her marriage, however, is very unlikely to survive if she tells her husband. And even if she told him, and his forgave her, there are precious few men willing to see the product of an unfaithful union every day for the rest of their lives.
Guilt isn’t often soul-destroying. People have unrevealed affairs all the time and their marriages survive, sometimes into old age. Heartbreak can be far more destructive.
We’re looking at it from her point of view, but what about her husband? He’s halfway across the world, in a dangerous country where soldiers are dying, and he should come home to a guilt-ridden confession of adultery and pregnancy? Why destroy his marriage and a large part of his life?
I suppose I see a pregnancy as the possibility of new life, a brand new person with their own soul. But it’s still just a possibility. Our lives are real. They simply matter more. And to be honest, I find the argument that an unborn life has greater significance than a life fully realized to be disingenious. War kills children, it scars them, maims them, tears apart their families. Repressive governments, severe poverty… I honestly cannot fathom how a pregnancy matters so much more. Where is the demand to end the deaths of kids around the world? Why so very much energy spent on the unborn over other, equally innocent, children?
If Katie and her husband never have kids, there’s always adoption. I don’t say that as a ‘here’s your second prize,’ but to point out that being a parent is rewarding, regardless of the child’s origins (essentially what momma L. said in regards to Katie’s pregnancy).
(Note: I’ve never had an affair, and am very unlikely ever to have one; far as my personality goes, if I’m chasing someone else, then the relationship is done. Nor would I have an ‘optional’ abortion – one without medical causes. But I’m lucky enough to live in a large American city – I get to decide, for myself and according to my unique circumstances, whether or not a pregnancy will impact my life so severely that I can’t bear to continue with it.)
Lowblow,
I appreciate your honesty!
In your comment you say that Katie and her husband could consider adopting a child if they never have biological children. Do you think Katie should consider giving another couple the chance to adopt her child? In your mind would that solve the problem of Katie and her husband having “to see the product of an unfaithful union every day for the rest of their lives”?
I volunteer for an organization that handles domestic adoption cases. It’s amazing to me how many more couples want to adopt a baby than there are babies available for adoption. I can’t help but wonder if there are no babies to adopt because they were aborted instead.
So, an adult life is worth more than an unborn child’s life? I’m not sure you’ve really thought through the implications of that statement.
The other problem with that kind of reasoning is that at the moment of birth, by some hocus pocus, the baby’s life suddenly becomes valuable. Why after birth, and not before birth? Is it just because people can’t see it? But then, when you can see the baby it suddenly has inherent value? Or maybe because it is so small?
I think it is important to think about these things. This is a really important decision, and people need to reason carefully, not just try to come up with something that justifies the actions they want to take for other reasons.
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@ Kris
I happen to agree with lowblow and I think it is narrow minded to say she hasnt thought through her opinions, just because they are different from yours
I’d say yeah, a living being’s life is worth more than an unborn life. There’s a ton of gray area in my statement, however. I’ve yet to see any unbiased research on when fetuses ‘feel’ pain. And as far as I’m concerned, the suffering of a living creature outweighs the non-suffering of an only-technically living creature. (A fetus under a certain age cannot survive outside of the womb, thereby, to my mind, making it only technically alive.)
The gray area comes into play when you talk about late-term abortions. It becomes about the health and life of the mother against the life of the child. And to my mind, that’s a decision best left to a woman and her healthcare providers, if only because each situation is never exactly the same. A law, even a morality, cannot across-the-board say that every situation is the same.
How else did we end up with a legal system in which causing the death of another person has degrees of punishment? Gray areas. You’re arguing from a black and white position in which abortion is always wrong, no matter what. And I cannot believe that any human being is so forward-thinking as to know every situation before it happens, and that one idea, one choice, is correct in all of them. (I do not favor late-term abortions just as a choice, period. I’d actually be surprised if women would even want that. But from what I hear, the evil late-term abortions usually only occur due to health reasons. So I don’t see a reason for anyone to interfere in a family decision about whether to continue with a dangerous pregnancy.)
I have no desire for any government, organization or person to decide, for me and over my doctor, what healthcare option is best. And that’s just on the basis of horrific side effects from simple medications, one of which rarely causes problems. If I’m an odd duck in one medical situation, why not another?
Oddly enough, it was attending a Methodist Church as a child and young teen that has formed my pro-choice ideas more than anything. Got it into my head that whatever we do, whether sin or obeying God, it was always self-determined. And what we do has consequences beyond Earth. So I might very well be wrong, but if I ever come to an awful point in my life where an abortion seems like the only option – I’d rather have to make that choice, with my full circumstances laid before me, and suffer if I choose wrongly. At the very least, I’ll have no one to lay blame upon but myself.
That said, abortions will always exist, in one form or another, until we solve the causes behind them. And really, if we can’t manage personal and government debt, does anyone think we can reduce human desperation that drives most abortions?
Ok…..were Katie and her husband trying to get pregnant before he deployed and were unsuccessful? If so, it may be that through no fault of his own, the biological reason was on the male part of the equation, since Katie is now carrying a child and the father is not her husband.
Ok…Katie is understandably worried about telling her husband but wants this baby. Legally, her HUSBAND is the father of this child. (Lawyers out there, correct me if I am wrong on that!)
If Katie aborts her child ,no problems will be solved, only more created. Even if her husband never finds out, it could still be the end of her marriage. If she tells her husband, after initial anger, denial and hurt he may actually forgive her, and love this child and be so relieved and happy they are a family. This HAS happened! I know it is scary and humiliating Katie, but give your man a chance to be a hero!
Yes, unexpected things happen, but a woman has a right to control and plan whether she reproduces. Would you tell a victim of rape to embrace their pregnancy and that it’s not their choice, because the rape was unexpected and she just needs to deal with it? That sounds pretty heartless to me.
I know someone that is somewhat like Katie. Army mom with an army husband, my aunt marie with her child Illy. The daughter was taken away from her in the divorce. She has told me that she regrets NOT having an abortion, even though se loves her children very much, and that if she had to do it over again she would have focused more on her studies during college.
With a civilazation in which you need to compete in the social darwinism dog-eat-dog mentality, it isn’t fair to say that a woman emerging in the era of business shouldn’t be granted the right to wash away her shame.
I can especially understand wanting an abortion when you don’t want to carry the sperm of the man you cheated with any longer. She wanted children… with her husband. This one mistake can ruin her life, and although I’m sure she would love the child, it would probably be fatherless and outside of a loving and financially stable family. Katie needs to wait to have children with the man she loves so that this doesn’t ruin her relationship.
And I doubt she cheated because she wanted to leave her husband. A whole LOT of people cheat when their lover is away for a long time. Although I don’t condone cheating, I can understand that she became lonely and confused, and this should not mess her entire life up by ruining her marriage. I couldn’t make the decision for her with something like this. Who knows, maybe the husband will accept the child anyways and behave as a father. She would be extremely lucky if that were the case. But I think her life would be more the way she wants it in the future she has the abortion.
I so agree with you KPH
One thing this experiment has taught me is that it only takes a moment to be placed in this horrible situation where you have this insanely big decision to make.
I think I always thought that I will use Bcontrol but if an accident happened (bcontrol fails) I would deal with it at the time..like that’s how most of us think, we get in the moment hot and heavy, and the real heavy stuff hasn’t even occured to us…I see that’s probably how Katie thought..I will have a little fun, go out or w/ever, and she would never think she would be in this heart renching position… now I really see how enormously difficult this would be…No matter what decision you make it changes your life forever…
Sorry, mods! I get a little riled up sometimes over people believing that they have the right to choose what another woman should do with her body and her personal life choices that might effect her present and future family. I’ll try not to bring in political terminology again <3
That’s so true, Shiloh! I don’t know many people who haven’t cheated or had casual relations that ended badly, just because they were caught up in the heat of the moment. We’re human, most of us can’t avoid those experiences, at LEAST once or twice in our youth (or maybe later). Is it right to behave that way? I don’t know, probably not. Should a person be punished for it and have to deal with disproportionate consequences that destroy the rest of their life? I really don’t think so.
After watching through all of the episodes again, my wife and I think that the producers have left each of the women some positive options that do not include abortion.
Katie has made a terrible mistake, one that she’s truly remorseful for. She and her husband seem to be Christians – they reference “God”, anyway – and it’s my understanding that Christians believe in mercy and forgiveness, even for something as heart-wrenching as adultery. I think that Christians must also believe in forgiveness for abortion, too, but this is not necessarily the time for Katie to be adding to her inner guilt by getting an abortion. Her motivation – just wanting her mistake to “go away” – is not a right-minded motivation to be basing such a huge decision on. Abortion will not make her problems go away, it will leave her knowing she ended a life that would become her baby. Realistically, her husband will probably find out, either through the TV show or finding paperwork or because she is still recovering from abortion complications when he arrives at home (not able to have sex due to complications, for example). He may choose to leave her anyway, although as a Christian he shouldn’t. And their ongoing struggle with infertility will be a constant reminder to her of what she has done. Instead, Katie needs to let go of fear and take responsibility for what she has done, and look for help from her family and church.
The question is, will the producers choose to show us the truly hope-inspiring and empowering endings for these women? I guess we’ll find out in March.